"Show me the pages you've put together for ProductA and ProductB", demands the MD. I dutifully show him the pages my team has put together from the designs he provided. "No," he says "I don't want that for ProductB".
"We put it together from the design you signed off from ProductB's head of department" I said.
"I don't care about anyone else's opinion. This is what I want" blusters the MD.
Off we go and work to satisfy the MD, using his thoroughly documented requirements - 2 print-outs of the pages with scribbles all over them. I'll have to rely on my spidey senses to work out what his untidy scrawl actually means.
"OK" he says "now change around points 2 and 3, remove these words, change that image and rewrite this paragraph to read like this" and he scribbles more on the new designs.
Finally, after several iterations of this, we managed to get a final version out that he sent to ProductA and ProductB's heads of departments. It wasn't long before I received an email from ProductB's head asking why we hadn't incorporated her design like she had asked.
"Ah, Ms Product B, it's quite simple. You see, the MD doesn't really care what you've said or how much effort you've put in. Sorry about that, love."
How I wish I could have said that. It drives me completely insane that he takes up valuable and expensive development resources with petty little web-design requests, whilst still demanding that Our Big Project stays on time. If he'd approach us like other people do and seem reasonable and calm, I'd probably be happier with processing his change requests. Unfortunately, his enormous cocaine habit and years of boozy lunched on company time and dime have obviously whittled away that part of his brain that makes him reasonable.
How to people like this end up in power? In the past 2 weeks, I've had to deal with 2 completely irrational and unrealistic directors. Is it exactly that attitude that put them in a position of power or have they just let it go to their heads? I'm not sure if any of them actually realise the effect of the actions on their staff. I'm a pretty tough cookie, but even I start to feel demoralised when everything I do is wrong and I get interrupted mid-sentence. I've been hired because of a particular area of expertise so surely they should be prepared to listen to that?
A part of me wonders whether being the only female senior member of staff counts against me. It's become disappointingly clear that the world is just not mature enough to get past the fact that I have boobs and curves as well as a brain. Obviously I'd be better off keeping my ambition in check and playing the typical role of a CEO-shagging secretary. What fun!
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Friday, 8 August 2008
Don't Panic (in large friendly letters)
There's nothing that I hate more than people panicking over tiny things. For example, web-based product has been in beta for the past 6 months. The people who use it haven't been trained to use it correctly and keep raising tickets and saying that it's broken. In fact, they've complained so much, that the MD of that department has said that they will stop selling the product until all issues have been resolved.
Funny that, they said this 6 weeks ago and raised about 15 different tickets for urgent development. Of course, this messed up my development schedule completely, which is strike one in my eyes. Strike 2 is not testing them when we deployed the changes for testing.
Strike 3 is raising the issue to the Board and saying that an overwhelming number of issues have been raised in the past 2 weeks. This overwhelming number is, in fact, 2.
I wonder what happens in his head when he counts to 5?
Funny that, they said this 6 weeks ago and raised about 15 different tickets for urgent development. Of course, this messed up my development schedule completely, which is strike one in my eyes. Strike 2 is not testing them when we deployed the changes for testing.
Strike 3 is raising the issue to the Board and saying that an overwhelming number of issues have been raised in the past 2 weeks. This overwhelming number is, in fact, 2.
I wonder what happens in his head when he counts to 5?
Thursday, 7 August 2008
Give me a row of orc-necks and room to swing...
I had a meeting today. This isn't really as special as it seems as I have lots of meetings every day but this one was truly special.
Someone from another department, let's call him Peasant Boy, called a meeting with a supplier to discuss the supplier's performance. Now, this in itself isn't terribly unusual, except that another someone had to step in at the last minute and point out that Peasant Boy should really send out an agenda. He eventually sent the agenda the day before the meeting. Well done for giving the supplier time to prepare, eh?
When the time rolled round, as time has a nasty habit of doing, we all gathered in the defined meeting room in full knowledge that this would be 90 minutes of sheer torture. On the company's side, there were 6 people from 4 different departments, 2 of whom shouldn't have been there (me included), and 2 from the supplier's side.
Someone had obviously mentioned to the supplier that a great way of pleasing their client was to arrive 15 minutes late and then insult the district where they work. I have to say, the area where I work is lovely, if approached from the correct side. If one follows Google Maps, one will be sent down back alleys and through council estates, as Google Maps tends to do sometimes.
Introductions were conducted by Peasant Boy, who introduced me as "IT Developer". That was the catalyst for a moment of clarity where I realised that this must be why Peasant Boy keeps telling me when applications break. I interjected to say "Senior Project Manager, actually" and quickly turned him into stone. Well, not really, but that would have been awesome.
Everyone involved sits down and in Peasant Boy's sheer ineptitude, he just sits there. There's a long and uncomfortable silence in which people look expectantly at him and expect him to chair the meeting, taking us expertly though the agenda and guiding sticky discussion, but no. In fact, he didn't even nominate someone to take minutes and I'll be damned if I have to do them. After said silence, the sales representative from the supplier starts to go through the agenda. Unfortunately, the aforementioned has about as much charisma as your average orc. Not a Lord of the Rings orc, more like a World of Warcraft orc, but still a sub-average charisma score. The Orc also had freakishly small hands, to the point where they would have freaked most people out. I spent most of the meeting just staring at these child-like hands and feeling slightly nauseated. Whilst The Orc ran through the agenda (I say "ran", I really mean "crawled at a horribly slow rate, simply providing yes/no answers for the questions listed without even going through the questions) we all listened to his grating voice and cringed as he battled his way through technical jargon he didn't understand.
Fortunately, the meeting was over with in 45 minutes but it really was the most mortifying and brain-numbing experience I've ever had to endure. Ever.
Someone from another department, let's call him Peasant Boy, called a meeting with a supplier to discuss the supplier's performance. Now, this in itself isn't terribly unusual, except that another someone had to step in at the last minute and point out that Peasant Boy should really send out an agenda. He eventually sent the agenda the day before the meeting. Well done for giving the supplier time to prepare, eh?
When the time rolled round, as time has a nasty habit of doing, we all gathered in the defined meeting room in full knowledge that this would be 90 minutes of sheer torture. On the company's side, there were 6 people from 4 different departments, 2 of whom shouldn't have been there (me included), and 2 from the supplier's side.
Someone had obviously mentioned to the supplier that a great way of pleasing their client was to arrive 15 minutes late and then insult the district where they work. I have to say, the area where I work is lovely, if approached from the correct side. If one follows Google Maps, one will be sent down back alleys and through council estates, as Google Maps tends to do sometimes.
Introductions were conducted by Peasant Boy, who introduced me as "IT Developer". That was the catalyst for a moment of clarity where I realised that this must be why Peasant Boy keeps telling me when applications break. I interjected to say "Senior Project Manager, actually" and quickly turned him into stone. Well, not really, but that would have been awesome.
Everyone involved sits down and in Peasant Boy's sheer ineptitude, he just sits there. There's a long and uncomfortable silence in which people look expectantly at him and expect him to chair the meeting, taking us expertly though the agenda and guiding sticky discussion, but no. In fact, he didn't even nominate someone to take minutes and I'll be damned if I have to do them. After said silence, the sales representative from the supplier starts to go through the agenda. Unfortunately, the aforementioned has about as much charisma as your average orc. Not a Lord of the Rings orc, more like a World of Warcraft orc, but still a sub-average charisma score. The Orc also had freakishly small hands, to the point where they would have freaked most people out. I spent most of the meeting just staring at these child-like hands and feeling slightly nauseated. Whilst The Orc ran through the agenda (I say "ran", I really mean "crawled at a horribly slow rate, simply providing yes/no answers for the questions listed without even going through the questions) we all listened to his grating voice and cringed as he battled his way through technical jargon he didn't understand.
Fortunately, the meeting was over with in 45 minutes but it really was the most mortifying and brain-numbing experience I've ever had to endure. Ever.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
When the cat's away...
My manager has gone on holiday for 2 weeks. For 2 whole, glorious weeks, he is incommunicado. I'm not happy in the same way that other employees might be when their managers are unavailable. No, I'm thrilled because it gives me 2 weeks in which I can work out what on earth is going on with my projects.
You see, the Boss Man, whilst being exceptionally intelligent, is a bit difficult to work with. He's good at defining db schemata, technology constraints and beating up suppliers but he's not all that hot on communicating with the project manager (ie: me). This is always a problem on any sized project, but when the project budget monitor is clocking over to roundabout a million GPB with 3 different suppliers on one project, communication is fairly important. Especially so when one of the aforementioned suppliers has actually been given the boot. Go Boss Man!
Alright, I understand that Boss Man's executive life is packed full of strategic planning meetings, acquisitions and mergers but in that case, wouldn't it be better to relinquish some control of the project and allow the project manager to communicate with the suppliers?
Perhaps I've got the wrong end of the stick completely, but at least I have 2 full weeks to work it out.
You see, the Boss Man, whilst being exceptionally intelligent, is a bit difficult to work with. He's good at defining db schemata, technology constraints and beating up suppliers but he's not all that hot on communicating with the project manager (ie: me). This is always a problem on any sized project, but when the project budget monitor is clocking over to roundabout a million GPB with 3 different suppliers on one project, communication is fairly important. Especially so when one of the aforementioned suppliers has actually been given the boot. Go Boss Man!
Alright, I understand that Boss Man's executive life is packed full of strategic planning meetings, acquisitions and mergers but in that case, wouldn't it be better to relinquish some control of the project and allow the project manager to communicate with the suppliers?
Perhaps I've got the wrong end of the stick completely, but at least I have 2 full weeks to work it out.
Monday, 4 August 2008
Who's afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?
On most days, I'm more than capable of being a big girl and fighting my own battles. I've been involved in messy legal battles, nasty interdepartmental fights and various squabbles with friends, the French and boyfriends and have come out the other side with my trusty stilettos, Thomas Pink shirt and winning smile intact.
What I take exception to however, is a Big Bad Director publicly attacking me when he has been misinformed by his own staff. Starting the week with a more than slightly unfair email is hardly a barrel of laughs but if that's how he'd like to play, I'm game. First though, a quick cry in the Ladies is required.
Whilst some of you might say that having a quick cry in the loo is a bit much, I do feel that escalating an issue to my superior and blaming me for loss of revenue is a little over the top, especially given the tone of his email. He seems to have forgotten that this has never been raised to me before and doesn't even lie within my department's remit. Unfortunately, it does appear that BBD's plan of escalating this problem to my superior has fallen flatter than a failed souffle, as he would have discovered upon receipt of said superior's out of office notification.
Perhaps someone should suggest a training day for BBD to work on his interpersonal skills. I also have a great book that he may be interested in. Possibly a recommendation of how to manage his staff and get the full story as well as correct escalation points before launching into a very unpleasant tirade would also be in order. At the same time, someone really should point out that his shirts are a little too small and that when he leans back in his chair, one can see his fat, hairy tummy and the sweat patches under his arms. A couple of milligrams of botox would clear that right up, my dear.
Nastiness aside, I am continually amazed at how people word their emails. It seems that because they're safely behind a screen, they think that sending abusive and rash emails is completely justified. It is funny how if you call them immediately afterwards, they become quite apologetic when you politely point out the glaring errors in the offending communication. It's even funnier that once you've done this and followed up with a polite, well-written email of your own, you'll never receive an apology and by that stage, the damage has already been done.
What I take exception to however, is a Big Bad Director publicly attacking me when he has been misinformed by his own staff. Starting the week with a more than slightly unfair email is hardly a barrel of laughs but if that's how he'd like to play, I'm game. First though, a quick cry in the Ladies is required.
Whilst some of you might say that having a quick cry in the loo is a bit much, I do feel that escalating an issue to my superior and blaming me for loss of revenue is a little over the top, especially given the tone of his email. He seems to have forgotten that this has never been raised to me before and doesn't even lie within my department's remit. Unfortunately, it does appear that BBD's plan of escalating this problem to my superior has fallen flatter than a failed souffle, as he would have discovered upon receipt of said superior's out of office notification.
Perhaps someone should suggest a training day for BBD to work on his interpersonal skills. I also have a great book that he may be interested in. Possibly a recommendation of how to manage his staff and get the full story as well as correct escalation points before launching into a very unpleasant tirade would also be in order. At the same time, someone really should point out that his shirts are a little too small and that when he leans back in his chair, one can see his fat, hairy tummy and the sweat patches under his arms. A couple of milligrams of botox would clear that right up, my dear.
Nastiness aside, I am continually amazed at how people word their emails. It seems that because they're safely behind a screen, they think that sending abusive and rash emails is completely justified. It is funny how if you call them immediately afterwards, they become quite apologetic when you politely point out the glaring errors in the offending communication. It's even funnier that once you've done this and followed up with a polite, well-written email of your own, you'll never receive an apology and by that stage, the damage has already been done.
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